Subject: Rhio O’Connor Memorial Scholarship Essay + Story of My Life

It’s funny. Back when I had to write all those essays for college apps or for the annual district writing test, I would always wish that I would get a prompt so easy to write about that I wouldn’t even need to think about writing an outline or a rough draft - my pen would automatically spit out words.

Ironically enough, I’ve finally gotten the “easy” prompt that I’d been waiting for, and I don’t know how to talk about it: “Please write an essay about how Rhio’s [a cancer survivor] story inspires you and what you would do if you faced the same challenges that he faced. What steps would you take if you were given a dire cancer prognosis?”

I know what to say, because I have been given a dire cancer prognosis. In fact, I’m still battling cancer. But I want to go beyond merely answering the prompt, because I see this as an opportunity for me to impart what I have learned from my experience. I want to share what I’ve gone through and what I’ve realized. My journey is not all positive; there are times when I doubt, when I’m furious, when I’m sad, and when I want nothing more than to sit and cry in bed all day. But that is what cancer is - you have ups, and lots of downs. However, when I look back on all I’ve gone through, and what I will go through, I see myself becoming a much stronger person. Cancer can bring out your inner strength, and I think Rhio would have known what I’m talking about.

I wish I could have met Rhio. I’d like to think that we would have become friends, because like me, he too had a common interest and experience. Cancer.

Rhio had pleural mesothelioma -  an incurable cancer of the mesothelium lining in the lungs. Chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery are ineffective towards curing it, and most patients with mesothelioma only have a year to live. I, on the other hand, have Ewing’s sarcoma - a bone cancer that mainly affects those 10-18 years old. It’s rare and aggressive, but it has been found that chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery are usually effective at curing it if the original tumor hasn’t metastasized.

Rhio chose not to follow the traditional path. He decided to do his own research and developed an alternative treatment of supplements in an effort to cure, or at least maximize his life expectancy. He succeeded and defied his one year life expectancy by living for more than 7 years. I, on the other hand, am following the beaten path of chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation because it’s my best hope for beating cancer. I don’t know what my future will be, but I have high hopes because there is a 70% chance that I will live for 5+years.

Yet everything about my situation is still uncertain, and will be uncertain, for the rest of my life because cancer and its effects aren’t things you can predict. Even from the beginning, my family and I never imagined that this would happen. No one in my family, both paternal and maternal, has had cancer. Cancer was something that only happened to older people - not to someone my age.

So it was definitely a shock when they discovered the tumor - which had reached epic proportions of 6 cm x 8 cm, and was still growing. I cried and cried when I heard the news. I was so terrified. What was I going to do?! I was already distracted; it was hard enough trying to balance my busy life at Williams College with the many hospital appointments and procedures that had led up to my diagnosis. Now I would have to worry about going through chemo and being sick from it.

My mom and I initially planned a weekly 3 hour commute to Harvard’s Dana Farber Hospital for my treatment so that I could stay at Williams College. However, after a week of debating, it was decided that this wouldn’t be feasible. Instead, I would be shipped back to California, to Stanford’s Children’s Hospital, to receive chemo instead.

It was the toughest thing that ever happened to me. To say that I was furious about my relocation would be an understatement. I had slaved for 4 years in an intense magnet program at my high school so that I could get into Williams. It seemed so unfair to me that after all my hard work, I would be dragged from the college of my dreams after just one month.

But I couldn’t change the fact that I had cancer. Even though I was still resentful, I realized that anger wouldn’t get me anywhere. I began researching and asking doctors what was happening to me. I discovered that I would be on a 2 week chemotherapy cycle because this was most successful at killing cancer cells and preventing a remission. In addition, after 6 rounds of chemo, I would have surgery to have my third rib removed. I would also receive radiation to my lungs because of pleural fluid they found there.

I was overwhelmed by all this information. What did it all mean? Most pressingly, what would it feel like? I was assured by online research and my friends who had family members experience cancer that chemotherapy was painless. I was told that I would feel nauseous and tired. My hair would fall out, and my nails would turn black. I prepared myself for the worst, yet I was still not prepared for the many other side effects.

The first time was the worst. Everything I ate came back up. It became so bad that in the end, I had nothing left to regurgitate but my own saliva. Swallowing was unthinkable. My digestive system died. And this was just the beginning. There were times when my red blood cell count became very low. My headaches and dizziness would increase, and I would be in danger of passing out very suddenly. In addition, if I had any fever above 101.3 Fahrenheit, I would be sent immediately to the ER for fear that I wouldn’t have enough white blood cells to fight an infection, which could cause death in just a few hours.

I became depressed. Each time I came back from chemotherapy, I would find new ailments. I thought I was going to die. I began fearing that this cancer would come back again in the future. It was the lowest point of my life, but from this bad arose good. I changed. I saw how much I had taken life for granted. Cancer had taken many things from me, but I began to appreciate what I had left. Every day became a good day if I wasn’t in the hospital.

So slowly, I began to change my perspective on life. I realized that terrible things happen, and they can happen for no reason. No one can escape this. But what you can change is how you react to it. I began to see my cancer experience as a “second chance at life.” For one thing, it changed my personality. Before, I had little self-confidence and needed approval from others to feel good about myself. I was very accommodating and was thus often taken advantage of.

But now, I know who I am. I am strong enough to take on cancer, and therefore I am strong enough to stand up for myself. I know what I want now, because cancer has caused me to reevaluate what I value most. I realized how precious time is, because I don’t know how much of it I have left. I want to try everything and explore everything because I have the ability to do anything. I prize my health now, because without it I wouldn’t be able to make my dreams reality. And most importantly, I like myself because I have finally realized these things.

I wonder if Rhio, too, realized these points. Yet I do know for sure that he saw life as something to fight for. And that is what impresses me most about him - that he took matters into his own hands instead of giving up. I, too, wish to follow Rhio’s lead. Even though there are still times when I feel crushed by what is happening to me, I know that everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to be. And while I am still afraid that I will not make it, I know that as long as I remain optimistic like Rhio did, then I can pull myself together and get myself through this. After all, Rhio made it despite the odds. If he could do it, then so can I!

For more information on Rhio’s cancer, mesothelioma, click on this link: http://www.survivingmesothelioma.com/